What a fucking question (I guess that's fuck proper as well as figuratively... lololol gimmie those ribs). I got this from a girl this weekend. I really dig her so far from our conversations via eharmony, but that question floored me. It was the first thing she asked me once we were out of structured communication and she worded it just like that. "How long are you willing to wait for sex?"

What the hell do you say to that? I said something like, "I don't put an expiration date on a relationship because of sex. It would be foolish to give up on a good thing because my sexual time table was different than the girl I'm getting to know."

I thought I did a good job, but let's take it a step further. Why was she asking me this question? Why was it the first thing she wanted to know? First thing that comes to mind is she is either a virgin or that she puts a specific time table on sex that is longer than what is traditionally accepted*. I do have a somewhat sexual slant on my profile. I make it clear that I want to meet someone who knows what she's doing and that girls uninterested in sex are things I "can't stand." She also mentioned that this is her first try at online dating and that she's only been on eharmony for about 2 weeks, so she might just think that all guys are looking for one night stands.

Of course, I think the worst... that she is the kind of girl who won't hold hands for a year and then will only do so with mittens on. I picture myself shaking hands with her after our 10th date and wondering why I'm on edge. I just don't think I can deal with THAT again. If I was 100% happy with a girl it would mean that she's open to all the stupid shit I do, is funny, patient, pretty, and an animal between the sheets. If I could bring a girl 4 wheeling, come home, clean up, have wild spider monkey on meth sex, and then play video games with her... well... I'd just give her half my stuff because she'd be my first ex wife one day. Take out any part of the perfection and you don't have a perfect relationship. If she's funny, pretty, but a zero in bed... that's not perfect. If she's wild in bed, pretty, but stupid... not perfect. You get the picture

Does that mean if a girl wants to wait a month or two before having sex that I throw her out of my life? Absolutely not. It does mean that I want to have sex... but WHEN is not really a concern. Shit... the last girl I dated seriously and I didn't have sex for almost 9 months. If I really care about a girl then I'm not going to freak out over sex... but I'm also not going to walk around with an iron bar in my skivies either. If she is cool with hooking up but doesn't want to be bent over the couch for a while... fine.

This girl is pretty, smart, funny, and is into all sorts of things that I'm into. She's a "one off" in looks... now that's not a bad thing... it's just that I don't picture her as a swimsuit model... I picture her as the hot librarian. Probably because she said in her words "here I am wearing my hot librarian glasses." She's not the stereotypical pretty girl but is very good looking none the less. She's one of the few girls I've met on eHarmony that really make me excited for our next communication... and probably the first that's made me so excited because of the actual content of her profile above and beyond her looks (which are great too). This is the kind of girl (if she turns out to be like I think she is) that I'd be 100% fine with even if she wasn't that great looking at all. I hope to have more intel on her this week.

So what happened to the Girl with a C? Exactly... NOTHING. I called her twice this week, sent her a couple text messages... nothing. I don't know how to handle her at all and I think this is her polite way of saying "thanks, but no thanks." I could be 100% wrong. Especially since I'm somewhat intimidated by how much I dig her and how good looking she is, but I'm just not fucking around anymore. I'm going to chase as much tail as possible and when the dust settles I'll have SOMEONE.

Pretty Girl is back in the picture. If you are new here, she's the one in the city who I went out with a couple times and after I spent the night at her place (hookup, no sex) she told me she was getting back with her ex only to break up with him 2 weeks later. She got back in touch with me via text messges, but when I asked "so, we going to hang out?" she stopped replying. I tried calling her 3 different times throughout the week to see what her deal was. Then a few days later I sent her an email that went like this, "Look, I can't read you. You break our 'thing' off to get back with your ex, you leave him, get back in touch with me, but I still have no idea if you want to see me again. I'd like to see you, but you don't answer your phone and when I asked you in text messages you didn't reply. Get back to me when you've made up your mind." She doesn't reply. Over the next week she leaves a bunch of comments on my myspace page. Then, on Friday, I met a couple real nice chicks that live in my building and while I was there they asked me for my myspace address. They both left me a ton of comments on Friday night and Saturday morning. Then I get a call from Pretty Girl.

She leaves a message like "Hey, it's Pretty Girl. Just wanted to say hi. Give me a call back." No content... but it's voicemail... what do you expect? I call her back and she answers the phone "Hey, I was just commenting on your myspace." I click back over and she's posted some picture with a clearly sexual message.

Pi: "So, how have you been?"
PG:"Good... you sure have a lot of chicks posting on your page!"
Pi: "Yeah, they're pretty cool. Met them last night."
PG: "really?"
Pi: "Yup."
PG: "small talk small talk small talk"
Pi: "return of small talk"

30 minutes later

Pi: "So, what's the deal?"
PG: "What do you mean?"
Pi: "Well, you got back with your ex as things were getting interesting between us, then broke up, got back in touch with me, but haven't given me an idea if you wanted to hang out again or not. I don't know how to read you."
PG: "If you wanted to hang out you should have called me!"
Pi: "humna humna humna (very confused. I tried calling 3 times, sent a few texts, and an email)
PG: "I am crazy, I know. I was down in the south for a week, bla bla bla my ex, bla bla bla"
Pi: "OK, so let's hang out this week sometime."
PG: "Definately. I'd like to see you again."


DOUBLE YOU TEA EFF!!!!!1

I tried everything outside of begging to get an indication as to her stance on our 'relationship' and she gave me NOTHING. Then she tells me if I wanted to hang out I should have called her? When I did call her three times? Bizaro.

Saturday night, as I'm getting ready to go out with another chick, I get a text message from Pretty Girl, "I like u." Holy mother of God... affirmation! She said exactly what she had to say to get me back interested... but what strange timing. I really am starting to think that she believed that I was moping around here with no other women in my life. Well... if you count women I'm having sex with then she's right... but I have 2 more girls to give updates about after this rant. I will make plans with her for some time this week... maybe during the week at my place... or over the weekend at hers... but I'm going to see her and I expect her to feel obligated to get me off one way or the other. Cross your fingers for sex, but who would turn down Krang?

The girl I was going to see when I got that text is Cool Girl. I don't really know what to call her, but I do think she's pretty cool, so that fits. She's fun to talk to, she's fun to hang out with, she "gets" it so far, and she's into me so far, so how could I say no? Well, she's not exactly what I'm looking for physically, but it's not like she's so far off that it's a blatent NO! She's a little short and a little chubby. Not that she's hangy gross fat, but she's got a little belly that's a little more than I'm used to. I still find her attractive... especially since she's so cool to talk to... so she's still in the mix. (I figured out the best way to define how I see attractive. It's a YES/NO thing. There are no levels of attractiveness. Either I am attracted or I am not. So when I say attractive that could mean anything from below average to extremely beautiful. When I say unattractive that means that she's not physically a turn on and that's a hard category to fall into because I find beauty in damn near every girl.)

I went up to her place to hang out in some bars in town with her last night and met a bunch of her friends. It was the first time her and I had hung out, so that was a little intimidating, but they had been out for hours when her and I showed up, so they were loose and fun to talk to by then. I actually got along really well with the boyfriends of her friends and the girls were just sort of there. I guess that's a decent start. When I left, the one dude was like "dude, you've got to hang out more often... well... I HOPE... (leans in) Cool Girl's a really good chick... I think you're going to really dig her." Funny part is that I agree. She's nowhere near as hot as Pretty Girl or Girl with a C, but her personality rocks. We left with a parting hug and I drove home... 4 beers deep at 4am. I normally don't even consider myself buzzed until I've had 8 or 10, but it was so late that alcohol wasn't helping due to the "tiredness" factor.

The downside is that she's never had a serious relationship. That fucking scares the shit out of me. She even mentioned trust issues, so there is going to be a bump in the road or two if things work out. She's also damn near an hour away... another bane of my existance. Why can't things work out with local girls? Wait! I know! It's because I'm a big ol country boy living in a foreign land. But that's another post.

Final girl I want to mention is one I didn't get to see this weekend. Don't crucify me for the name... but she's Big Sex. Her priority in the getting to know you process was to make it clear that she wants a guy that LOVES sex because she LOVES sex. She's not a bad looking girl, but from the pictures she selected it appears that she will be quite a bit bigger than what I'm looking for. She's tall and has a pretty face, but she's built big and is carrying some serious extra baggage. I was pretty much talking to her because she supprised the hell out of me with her responses to my questions, but she just isn't an exciting match. I figure going out with a girl you don't think you're going to want to date and ending up having sex with her is better than sitting here having sex with yourself and hoping to find a girl. Who knows? Maybe she's better looking than I'm guessing, but I'm a pro at picking out gross girls from very well framed pictures.

Final? LIES! I have 1 more. She's The Actress. Down home southern girl trying to make it big in the big city. Very tall, pretty girl who's been really fun to chat with thus far. She actually requested communication with me. That normally means just close it before you even take a look because she's 500lbs with one leg and one eye, but when I opened it up and realized she was good looking, talented, AND interested in me... I was pumped. We JUST made it to open communication tonight, so I'll get a chance to actually see how she behaves without training wheels in the next couple days. I couldn't figure it out, but something was missing from the equation. Why is she interested in me? What's so different about her? Something's got to be different... then it hit me. She's from the south! She's not a jaded piece of shit from the city who looks for 100lb guys with pink shirts and white belts... she's a country girl who appreciates a big old country boy. At least it makes sense when I think of it that way. When I visit my family in the country I'm always talking with random chicks. There is just a different perception down there. They like the lumberjacks that go dateless up here. Add in the fact that I speak with a mild northern accent (I still have the absolute slightest southern influence in my voice combined with the fact that I'm a trained singer... those two things basically slaugtered my accent) and they LOVE me. Who knows? Maybe I'll have a pretty little actress in my life. I'm feeling pretty confident that she will dig me and I'd like to eat her liver with some beans and a nice red wine.

And on that note... punching out.

*Traditionally accepted time table for sex is the perceived accepted time table for sex. I don't even know what that means. Maybe she feels that after 3 dates if you're not having sex that it's strange and she needs to point it out. Maybe she means 3 years. Who knows? Because there is no right and wrong when it comes to how long you wait before getting down it makes understanding what people have in their heads very difficult.

I'd also like to point out that putting specific qualifiers on sex trivializes the event. If you say "after 3 dates we can have sex" then what you're really saying is "I don't care who it's with, but if he buys me 3 dinners then I'll let him pump me a few times." Even if you say something like "I want to wait 6 months" then you're still saying that sex is something that must be earned through some sort of sacrafice and once that has been paid you can start getting down.

Sex is fun. If you bring home some random person from the bar for sex, then it's just a fun little activity you can't do alone that you both want to do at that specific time. When sex is in the context of a relationship, it should have more meaning. You should be able to either build up to or wait for the "right" time for you both. It shouldn't be something you see coming from the get go. There are some relationships I've had that were sexual from day one and others where it didn't feel right for a few months. It all has to do with your comfort level. Putting a price on sex, whether it's time, dates, etc is just making it into a transaction. I just can't stand girls that think they are "good girls" because they wait X ammount of time. It just makes you a bad girl who uses sex like a commodity. "This vagina will cost you 3 dinners, 1 movie, a round of mini golf, and a broadway show." Stop it allready and just do it when it feels right... if that's 1 date or 1 year... just be honest with yourself in the context of your relationship.