I worked all week. Tonight I hung out with some ladies who live in my building. I have plans all weekend. My life 180'd fast.

As of this moment things are good for me. I don't know how it happened, but I'm happy. I'm only working a 2 week temp assignment in the purchasing department of a physical rehab clinic, but my attitude has U-turned faster than I could have imagined. When this assignment is up I'm going to take my DOT physical and start delivering packages in the morning and working with my friend's father. That job IS going to work out. I'm not afraid of it anymore.

There is this thing known as "runner's high" that you get when you push yourself beyond what you believe you can do physically and all of a sudden you start feeling peaceful. It's a euphoria you fall into when you've gone too far. It was what I felt ever M/W/F when I was training with the football team and we'd work out like our lives depended on it for 3 hours a day starting at 5am. About half way in I'd given everything I had to give. My heart couldn't beat any faster. My legs were tired and I had nothing left in the tank, but I kept going. I'd run faster, jump higher, change direction faster... I was working like a machine, but my head was saying "enough... you've gone too far."

I've hit a runner's high in my life. I've gone beyond the stress and the pain and the frustration I've felt about everything. I just don't care anymore. I've hit a stride where I'm going to just do it. I'm going to close my eyes and jump. I'm going to pay my rent this month and I'm going to start working for commission only. I'm going to believe in myself. Not because I really do believe in myself, but because I've exhausted all my fears. They can't cut any deeper, so I might as well just take a chance and pretend I can do it until I am doing it. If it doesn't work out right away and I need to change my living arraingments then I have to just do it. I don't want to, but I can't deny a great opportunity like this any longer. I just need to throw myself into it until it works.

The other thing going on is Girl with a C and I... well... I don't know WHAT is going on between us. I don't know how to tell what to say or do next. I have plans with some friends tomorrow night, Saturday I'm meeting up with a new girl, and Sunday I'm torn as to what I want to do. There are 2 other girls I need to start seeing again now that I'm a "working man" but I don't know which to see and when. I would like to get things going with a girl I really hit it off with a while back but had to stop seeing due to monitary problems, but I don't know how to swing it. I'd like to meet a couple new ones, but they aren't exactly obvious choices. They are almost what I'm looking for, but just don't have the looks to back it up.

Why did I start chatting it up with an old flame and a bunch of new ones when I like Girl with a C so much? Exactly. I'm afraid of being hurt by a change of heart or lack of interest in the GwaC situation. She's so cool and so pretty that I really would like to make something of our relationship, but I am stumbing around like this is the first time I've found a girl I'd like to date and I know at some point I'll fuck it up. I think that I'm on thin ice with her at all times even though we've had good times together. That's not right. If she'd just say something that even hinted towards us having potential I'd forget about all these other broads... but that hasn't happened, so I guess we'll have to see.

Tonight I was hanging out with a buddy and we were sitting on my balcony. Down the other side of the building were two pretty girls playing a board game on their balcony. They were loud and drinking and having a good time, so of course they drew my looks a couple times... then one goes "hey, want to come play with us?" "uh... YES." So, we went down to their apartment and hung out for the night. What a supprise. Turns out my buddy knew the one girl from college. She's a serious sex freak. I'll leave it at that. The other one was the pretty girl I'd seen from my window so many times and wondered what her deal was. She's just as pretty face to face and seems pretty cool. I don't know if I'd even have a shot, but I think I might do what I can to get in her good graces. My buddy and I are hanging out in town tomorrow night, so we asked them to come along. I made it clear that I'd like to see her at the bar tomorrow night and she sounded like she'd come. If not, at least I kind of know them now so I can talk to them in the halls and maybe, worst case scenario, feel more comfortable with people in my building.

So much is going on and I have so little time to sit here and post. I'd love to tell it all, but this is the best I can do. It's allready 1am and I have to actually be up to shower and get ready for work in a few hours. Then the weekend... which should be very interesting.